The Feedback Anxiety

Of course, I know that it is very beneficial to graciously receive feedback. Sadly, I dread it as much as a spider in a dark bathroom. I do not really know what terrible things I expect to happen and I cannot even say that either a spider or feedback had ever eaten me alive. But here I am: avoiding to open the corrected file. Read how I gathered the strength to look at it. And find out what happened when I did!

The fearful attachment

So, the email with „some comments on the article“ looms like an unexploded mine in my inbox. Daintily, I promised to return all revisions today. Naturally, I go to great lengths by finding ever more far-fetched „urgent tasks“ that are meant to delay the necessary: just open the file and look at it! Even while writing about it, I know how ridiculous it is, which adds to the unpleasant mixture of guilt and dread. Instead of being grateful about this „opportunity to grow and learn“, I hide away in a gloomy corner of anticipation and shame.

How to bravely face feedback?

This time, I thought I might as least milk my personal office drama, by writing this post. You might smirk how this is part of my procrastination. Now, braced by my soul-searching in above article, after making another cup of tea, I bravely opened the threatening revision and found it – big suspense – totally harmless.

Why is feedback scary?

In hindsight, I could even claim that I do not know what took me so long. But I think I do. No matter how old or experienced I am, the Imposter Syndrome is certainly one factor to blame. That describes the very common fear, that one might not be the real deal for a job. ‚How can I claim to be a writer/teacher/leader?‘

While we are encouraged „to fake it till you make it“, we might doubt ourselves ruthlessly. Plus, I am not much of a rule breaker, I don’t park rogue, don’t drive beyond the speed limit, and in general do my best to avoid confrontations. I guess, the prospect of feedback oozes the possibility that transgressions might be exposed that I hadn’t even noticed. What if today is the day someone starts pulling on a loose thread and it all starts to unravel?

What did I learn?

Relief is lovely. Nothing happened. No one called my bluff. All is well. Maybe I am competent enough after all? Happily, I slurp my now cold tea.

However, I suspect that all this positivity swirls in my head only until the next revision hits my inbox.

Only difference is: at least now, I have the blog to moan about it!

If you want me to practice the whole feedback thing some more, please leave some below…