How to choose and REJECT wisely?

These days, I have been so crazy busy that I complained about it to all my friends (and possibly the mailman). Yet, yesterday, as soon as someone suggested yet another project to keep me busy, my initial impulse was to agree to it. Only due to luck, I caught another night of (non-) sleep over it and realised, that I was about to a) add to my workload that is already too much at the moment, b) work on something that I really do not enjoy at all, and c) do so without any rational reason to agree to it. Yet still – and this is embarrassing – I have not told my counterpart that I do not want to do it. Why is that? And what should I do?

To know right from wrong

As a freelancer, you are perpetually forced to look at your pipeline of projects and income. If it all dries up, your identity as freelancer shrivels up, too. So, you hustle and try, you are always open for ideas and you are happy if opportunities pop up. All this is well, but then, people might ask you to trim their roses, while you want to plant a tree or vice versa, and you agree to it even if you know the following things about yourself from previous experiences: you do not like trimming roses/planting trees.

While we all need to do things, we do not like, it is not only that you dislike, but it will keep you awake at night with weird worries and loathing. On top, you understand, that while you are busy doing something you hate, you lose the opportunity to look for something you would actually enjoy.

To know isn’t enough to chose wisely

This adds extra anger to the situation: you know all these things. You understand that your hours in the day are as limited as the days in your life. You believe that you should not waste them on something that does not only keep you from doing what you really want to do, but on top makes your time miserable. This goes against all your principles and this is even more enraging: YET STILL you are considering it. What weakness of heart and brain is this?

Unhelpful whispers

One thing, is that immediately all those previous advices whisper in your head: Push through. Life isn’t all cotton candy. You should consider yourself lucky to have work at all. You should not be so picky. Surely, it can’t be that bad.

Hoping against experience

Then, I will recall the happy moments I had while taking on previous projects of that kind. There are always some good memories to find. Maybe, this time, it will all be a smooth sailing and I won’t struggle at all? I imagine an ideal world, where it will be a fluffy, fun, work assignment. Maybe, I misremember my previous misery? And can it possibly be that bad? It sound all fun. Why do I even find it hard? Maybe, practice makes perfect and this time will be all different and I will actually love it? Other people don’t struggle with this at all. Maybe I got it all wrong?

Reasons to be irrational

People say, that you cannot convince people with irrational beliefs with rational arguments. I wonder, if the same applies to myself in this situation?

As soon as I start pondering, ever more arguments start forming in my head and I realise that they are no longer connected at all to my original question, but relating to fundamental ideas. Wouldn’t it be much easier to shut down this chorus of doubt and simply get on with it to keep the peace. This one more time?

But then, as I am writing on this blog and have sworn to go to the bottom of all dark pits in order to get rid of fearful monsters, I march on! I hear the following things swirling through my head:

• It is the right thing to do to to give my best and never give up. 
• It is disappointing for myself that I cannot handle that particular task much better. 
• I feel guilty for being so picky or a „troublemaker“. 
• I don’t want to admit defeat or weakness. Maybe even (worst of all) a weak woman?
• What if I take the easy way out this time, will it be the start of a slippery slope? 
• Will anyone ever ask me again for anything? 
• How can I let the person who asked down?

The fear of rejection

As I follow my own advice, pry all worries out from the darkness and let them wither in plain sunlight, I think I notice a trend. Most importantly it seems, is that I fear to say „NO“ to someone who asks nicely. I do not want to reject a client or a friend.

Instead of fighting the fight to say no, I’d rather add more to my plate and hope to „somehow manage“.

That is crazy!

I need to buckle up!

Surely, they will find someone else to do it. Someone who enjoys it more than I do.

Better choices are not only self-serving

And I can go find things I enjoy. The world would be a better place, if we all enjoyed more what we do on a daily basis. If our inclinations match our tasks aren’t we more satisfied? Maybe happier overall and so more patient with ourselves and others? More likely to contribute to a world where there is less stress and moaning but more self-actualisation, empowerment and positive outlook? Where we can lift others up as we don’t feel down, either?

I feel like I am adding a bit too much pressure on this question, but I know that I will never find the inner strength to say NO to a project that is wrong for me if I do not add extra reasons to motivate myself to do the difficult thing. Not the easy YES. But the awkward, painful, embarrassing, regretful, doubting NO.

But that will make my days (and nights) much better! Fingers crossed!